EXPERT OPINION BY MOSHE ENGELBERG, PHD, SPEAKER, EXECUTIVE COACH, AND AUTHOR OF "THE AMARE WAVE" @MOSHEENGELBERG for INC.
In pursuit of workplace harmony, many leaders default to being relentlessly "nice"--always agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and hungry for approval. But this impulse to please often stems from a core belief of "not being enough," which creates a vicious cycle of self-diminishment.
Maybe you mute your truth to seek validation, rather than leading from a place of self-acceptance. Many of us do. The irony is that when you contort yourself to make others comfortable, when you make yourself small, you diminish your presence and erode real connections. It fuels a painful and untrue belief that it is unsafe for you to be you.
True leadership isn't about niceness--it's having the courage to be honest while embodying genuine warmth. For heart-centered, love-powered leaders, this balance is crucial: knowing you are enough and taking a stand for what matters while staying compassionately connected.
When did you last avoid taking a stand in order to be likable? What was the cost?
What childhood stories make you feel inadequate or seek constant approval?
How can you voice dissenting views while staying connected to the humanity of others?
5 Steps to Build Harmony Without Losing Yourself
Examine your beliefs about "nice" and "not enough:" Where did your belief that you're "not enough" originate? What about "being nice" as the best way to move through life? No judgment, just notice for now.
Get radically self-accepting: Spend 5 minutes twice a day asking: "Do I believe I'm enough right now?" Notice when your self-talk becomes harsh and what triggers it. Then try some kindness.
Personify your inner critic: Give that relentless voice a silly name. When it pipes up, say "Hello/goodbye, Debbie Downer." Remind yourself that you're safe and have this handled. Add a thank you, since it thinks it's protecting you.
Take a courageous stand: Notice what goes through your mind when you think about taking a stand. Then, do a low-risk experiment with voicing dissenting views or making unpopular decisions on something small--and with a measure of kindness.
Redefine harmony for your organizational culture: Focus on Authenticity, Belonging, and Collaboration--what I call the ABCs of the Amare Way as the essence of healthy organizational harmony where different ideas can coexist and lead to common goals.
Regaining Your True Power
The path of the Amare leader isn't about being endlessly nice and seeking approval. It's about being authentic, taking a stand for your values, and addressing conflicts with wisdom--all while embodying genuine warmth and connection.
It does take courage! That authentic presence requires confronting the core belief that you're somehow "not enough." Through deep self-work, you can silence that inner critic and step into your inherent worthiness.
From that grounded place, your leadership will shift from niceness to grounded, compassionate power. The world needs that kind of leadership!
Comments